Our current economic and cultural malaise reminds me of the great comedian Henny Youngman. Henny was a vaudevillian and kept us laughing through the radio and television era. I remember him appearing on the Burns and Allen and Milton Berle shows. Youngman regaled his audience with his thick New York accent and groaners like: Hey, who was that lady I saw you with last night? Henny replies That was no lady; that was my wife! Yeah, they were old chestnuts but his delivery kept the audience laughing.
So what does a comedian have to do with todays crisis?
One of Hennys shticks was: He walks into the doctors office, raises his left arm above his head, and says, Doc, every time I do this I get shooting pains in my neck and spots before my eyes!
The doc answers, So dont do that!
Were in that doctors office right now complaining about our crushing debt and saying, Doc, every time I borrow more money the debt goes up. Doc, every time I have to buy oil from our enemies, they get richer.
Doc, I have close to 20 percent unemployed and underemployed in our country and I just put a major pipeline on hold that would bring thousands of jobs and cheap energy to the United States from our northern neighbor.
Doc, I am paying $1.2 billion a day in interest to our creditors while I continue to borrow more money from China and then give them millions each year in foreign aid.
Doc, I gave a trillion dollars in stimulus to losing companies and now they need more. I decided to borrow more money from our economic competitor to give those losers more money while they give millions in bonuses to the officers of those companies.
Doc, what should I do to stop this madness? Oh, one more thing, Doc; the crash today was triggered by giving government-backed mortgages to people that had no way to pay the mortgage and now I am planning to do it all over again.
Doc I think Im losing my mind! Can you help me?
Okay, all together now: So dont do that!
I have a question for the doctor: Why do the proletariats, the little people, the masses, the yous and Is, understand the basic nature of the problem and our elected leaders seem to be clueless?
Our elected leaders chose 12 of the best and brightest of that clueless mass called Congress and tasked them to reduce our debt by $1.2 trillion over the next 10 years. Our paid congressmen couldnt or wouldnt come up with a solution, so they bought themselves some time with a committee of twelve that could never agree on any solution, let alone accomplish that picayune reduction. They hope the mandatory sequestering will do that distasteful chore for them.
Well, Doc, heres a little secret. Our government operates on a trick called baseline budgeting. This is a mandatory 8 percent to 9 percent budgetary increase each year above their yearly budget request. So, Doc, even if this super-duper committee had accomplished the $1.2 trillion reduction exercise, there would be no real reduction in debt. The government spending will continue to pile up the debt, unemployment will continue to rise, oil prices will continue to increase, taxes will keep going up and the once-vaunted American quality of life will deteriorate till we are on an equal footing with the Third World.
Doctor, Doctor, can you help me?
All together now: So dont do that!
You and I and all the other little people can see the solution. Here it is:
A Balance the federal budget.
B Reform and simplify the tax code.
C Reduce the national debt from 70 percent of GDP to 30 percent in 25 years.
D Reduce federal spending by about 50 percent in 25 years.
E Repeal Obamacare and create an affordable system.
F Preserve our defense spending to meet our constitutional requirements.
G Redesign Social Security and Medicare as sustainable, effective programs.
This medicine will be distasteful and the recovery will be protracted. But the alternative is something too frightening to contemplate. As we watch the crumbling of the European Union and the rioting in Greece and France we may be watching our own future.
Larry Tradlener lives down McElmo Canyon.
