Parenting one of the biggest faith challenges in the Christian life. And if one is raising a challenging child, well, need more be said?
Through the experience of parenting children and most especially, one with ADHD (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder), I discovered the following positive parental attitudes and behaviors to be helpful. I believe that without these in place, many tactical parenting techniques are rendered powerless.
TRUST
Many struggle with trust, and for good reason. Life’s experiences have taught them that people can’t be trusted. People lie, break promises, fail to follow through with what they say they will do and go back on their word. Many see their world as full of untrustworthy, manipulating, selfish, and deceitful people. And some experience ultimate disappointment when they feel they cannot even thrust themselves.
The truth is that most people do not want to lie and do not plan on breaking their promises or going back on their word. But they do, to their own disappointment. Paul, one of the most influential leaders of the new Christian church, testified to this phenomenon when he wrote, “... I want to do what is right, but I don’t. Instead, I do the very thing that I hate.” (Romans 7:14-25) For many people, the resulting labels of “untrustworthy,” “manipulating,” “selfish,” and “deceitful” (among many others) tag them unmercifully until they believe them to be true and give in to the expected behavior.
The way to break this vicious cycle is to show people how Jesus removes the tag, sheds the light of love on the good that is in them, and shows them the life that is theirs. These simple, yet overwhelmingly powerful traits of God change not only the way we see our fellow man, but mankind itself. (John 14:6; Luke 2:25-32).
When we see the people in our world the way God does, Satan’s lie is shattered. We can trust as Jesus did while walking among us. Trust man to be imperfect — forgive him his shortcomings — illuminate his true identity with the light of love – and put full trust in God who works out all things for good. All things! (Romans 8:28)
Parents, are you hearing me?
Teach your children a healthy understanding of trust. Teach them to trust in God. But don’t just tell them. You must show them. Words will mean nothing until they follow example. Trust your child to be imperfect. Show him/her the way to their own peace with themselves and their fellow man by allowing no labels and illuminating with love the good that they are and the life that is theirs.
Then, believe in them.
BELIEVE
One sure-fire way to test our trust in all things is to ask ourselves: “Do I believe?”
And the way to identify our belief is to ask ourselves: “Do I have peace?”
If you are a person who struggles with trust and belief, you are not alone. Some personalities are logical and practical and have difficulty believing in something they cannot see. To believe something that cannot be seen is the definition of faith. (Hebrews 11:1) Since faith is the basis of Christianity, the idea of Christianity can be difficult for some to wrap their brain around. It seems intangible to the logical mind. But do not despair.
All mankind has been given a heart, a soul that lies deep within that sees and hears God. We just have to learn how to tap into it. To some, it comes as naturally as breathing. To others, it seems impossible. But all have the ability to hear and see with the ears and eyes of their heart (Psalm 119:18; Proverbs 20:12; Ezekiel 3:10; Ephesians 1:17-18). We all know people in our lives that are blessed with this ability. If you are not that person, think about it. You are at least acquainted with, if not know, someone whose faith bubbles from their every pore. Spend some time with this person. Ask them questions. Keep an open mind. Then open a Bible, turn to Matthew 1, and start reading. Spend some more time with your faith friends. Ask more questions. Keep reading. The Lord will take over from there. And you will find peace as you trust and believe.
As your child sees your peace and realizes your confident trust and belief in all things, he/she will immediately understand that it also means you trust and believe in them. And since you trust and believe, you also expect.
BELIEVE
Lastly, a good way to be certain that we trust and believe is to ask ourselves: “Do I expect? Do I expect the good that I trust and believe in?”
Ah, but here is where things can get a little tricky. Once God has worked out trust and belief in our hearts, expecting His good works usually comes easily. Yet, the imperfection of our patience and our limited understanding of time often leave us confused as we try to relate to a God of perfect patience and the Creator of time.
Oh, Satan loves this one too! He tricks our thinking by using small truths combined with big lies. Satan did this with the first lie he told to the first human he interacted with on earth, and since then, he has perfected his craft. (Genesis 3:1-7)
Jesus, having full understanding of the identity of Satan since his fall from heaven, clearly identified him as the liar that he was and is today. (John 8:42-44)
Satan reminds us that our friend/family member didn’t do what they said they would do (truth). They are untrustworthy (lie). He tells us that people will fail us (truth). People are bad (lie). Satan points out to us that much time has gone by since putting our trust in the Lord over a certain matter and nothing has changed (truth). God cannot be trusted (lie).
We can absolutely expect the good that we trust and believe in to come. But we must remember that the God we trust and believe in is working for our good on His time, not on ours. Therefore, all mankind, though physically living on man’s time, is actually in spirit living on God’s time. And it is the spirit, our souls that really matter.
I remember my grandmother and mother praying fervently for many years for my wayward uncle. He had been raised to know God and to understand right and wrong based on God’s law. For whatever reason, my uncle became angry with the matter of his religious upbringing and left the church, appearing to abandon God completely. My mother and grandmother were unable to see their prayers answered in complete fruition. But God brought it to pass, and my uncle reunited with his Lord and eventually even returned to the church of his upbringing.
He was on God’s time, not on my mother and grandmother’s time. But they both knew their prayers were heard. They trusted, believed, and expected the good that would come even if after their allotted time had passed.
We are all on God’s time. And in God’s time we can absolutely expect good things.
Here’s the bottom line, parents. This is big!
When we show our children how to trust, believe, and expect God’s goodness, they will trust, believe, and expect the good in themselves.
Read more in, “Take Your Pills and Go To Your Room,” by Janice Jones, a mom’s true story about life, children and ADHD. The book includes helpful suggestions for diagnosis, diet and medication, schooling and tips for day-to-day management. Go to www.outskirtspress.com/takeyourpillsandgotoyourroom for more information. Jones is a Cortez Journal employee.